Remember how I said that I was feeling particularly emotional during this pregnancy?
Well, today I hate everything. How’s that for emotional?
Here’s what I’m hating:
- The fact that the guy who sits next to me (who, out of good faith, a respect for privacy and a fear of being dooced, I have NEVER spoken of here, no matter how tempting) took 3 desserts with lunch, plus a banana, and now there are only oranges in the g-d fruit bowl and a chocolate cupcake sitting on his desk. I may take it and go eat it in the bathroom.
- People who put vomitously cute birth announcements in the paper. I regularly troll for good names, and today I just could not handle the decries of ‘Our Future Maple Leafs/Blue Jays/Raptors/Argos Hall of Famer Is Here!’ And the first-person, brand-new baby narratives? Seriously. Those make me want to hurl. So do the announcements ‘written’ by thrilled big sister or brother. Trust me; they are not thrilled. They want to give the little worm back and get the spotlight back for themselves.
- Not getting the chance to eat outside at lunch. So now I just feel antsy, impatient, short-fused, and well, slightly negative. I am a petite fleur, people. I need my sunshine.
- Hypochondriacs. YOU are not freakin sick. You have a sniffle. Come here and let me stomp on your foot so that you have something to complain about.
- Doug Gilmour. For personalizing the autographed jersey that my friend won and promised to me, so that now I can’t possibly still accept it. This may not exactly be Doug Gilmour’s fault, but if you knew the story, you’d be mad that I couldn’t have the jersey too.
- The Second Cup. Because my very, very pregnant friend wanted a strawberry-lemonade smoothie and they are out of lemonade. (But I got a chiller and a different friend to split it with, so I guess I don’t really hate them. I just feel indignant o/b/o my pregnant friend.)
- That even my usual distractions can’t keep me interested. I know of many, many ways to waste time when I feel unable to focus. The Superficial is one. Craigslist is another. So is Martha Stewart. Today there seems to be absolutely no interesting gossip, scandal, garden party ideas or items for sale or barter. I want a new drug.
- Double strollers. I am months away from needing one, and already the process of picking one is frustrating me. Tandem? Side by side? They all seem so bulky, heavy and not user-friendly. At my not pregnant norm, I am about 107 lbs. Shlepping something that weighs half of what I do in and out of the car does not turn me on. Help me, double mothers.
- On-line parenting chat rooms. You people are a joke. Get a blog.
Mmm. Sweet, caffeinated chiller goodness is kicking in, and mood may be fading. But that’s not what this post is about. I’m quitting before things turn downright chipper.