8.14.2007

KGIRL ABANDONS FAMILY TO WOLVES WHO SPIT BEES WEEK

guest blog by chris the husband.

Bee and I woke up especially early this morning to drop Kgirl and soon to bee off at the airport to florida, the act of which kicked off another KGIRL FAMILY ABANDONMENT WEEK here at the kids are alright.
Oh, yes, Kgirl has left us before, and yet we lived.
Day 1 went smooth and easy, as I used a killer combo of instant pizza, the park and a double shot of Dora before putting and exhausted Bee to sleep. So instead, I’ll recap a weekend event.

Bee woke up from her nap on the weekend to find her mom and I playing a snowboarding video game called SSX. It’s actually one of the rare video games Kgirl will play with me, mostly because for every win, you get to shop for outfits to dress up your snowboarder in, like this hot pink halter top I’ve been working toward, which would just go so well with the pom pom tuke, and, you know, um, not gay.


It’s great spending time with Kgirl in this way, (cause I can’t take another episode of OC) except during the game she puts a lot of pressure on me to perform, because if I don’t win that race, Kgirl can’t unlock the skinny pants. And being 7 months pregnant, she desperately wants to put on skinny pants, even if it is by proxy, so I've got to take charge and be the man and bring home the pants. For my wife to wear.

Bee saves my already shaky masculintiy by saying in her too cute “asking” voice “I try?” Sure, love.
She has played the vids before, with mixed results. I started Bee early around 2 months or so, playing Tekken, the greatest kung fu game ever made by the good people at Namco. As this was her first game, I picked the Giant Panda for her, figuring the panda’s large size and crushing grip would make up for her inexperience. However, her poor basic motor skills and tendency to suck on the controller at critical moments proved her undoing, resulting in a staggering 5-0 victory for me. Sure, some may claim that a victory over an endangered species controlled by an inattentive 2 month old is not something to be proud of, but they would be woefully misinformed. It’s really just continuing a strong family tradition where as a young lad my dad laid the smack down on me with a game of Pong.


Once the tears dried and the green tinged nightmares subsided, I was all the better for it.

Bee is also doing much better with our snowboarding game, her fine motor skills have come in to the fore, she is holding rather than drooling the controller, discovering the core fundamentals, methodically practising her left turn, just grabbing the game by the horns and aggressively turning left, really nailing that left turn, just really working some future NASCAR basics. Our snowboarder character over the next 5 mins OWNS the counterclockwise turn. None can touch her.

Like any proud father, my hope is to one day provide my children with the abilities to master the combos I never could, and to let them know that if they put their minds to it, they too can reach for the stars, and fight the aliens therein. And maybe just one day, save the world. Save. The. World.

Tomorrow...a day at the farm! will roosters traumitize Bee again? we'll find out!

14 comments:

  1. Yeah, that sounds like my house - I came into the office to find my husband and son silently playing computer games together and when I asked what they were doing, my husband answered "BONDING" while giving me the Der! look.

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  2. i love it when you post.

    there is one game i'll play w/ J - it's a semi-fighting sort of game that allows for shopping in between. potions! jewels! spells!

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  3. Tekken rocks!

    Mr Earth and I can't play it together, though, because I get too angry.

    We're now reduced to Guitar Hero instead.

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  4. Chris the husbandAugust 14, 2007

    Tekken does rock! That you know this means you rock! Rock on!

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  5. We don't play together - it's better for our marriage that way. But we did fall in love over game cubes and every so often renew it with the wii.

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  6. I'm at a bit of a loss for what to say. Neither of us are video game people. But if we were, it would likely be the end of our marriage, I'd likely be terrible at it, and I'm not a good loser.

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  7. Chris as always a riveting look inside the k-house gone wild.
    I'll have to agree with sage. I think video games would end my marriage.

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  8. Nicholas says, "Good to hear you're honing some serious gaming skills in your offspring. I m sad to say I've had very limited success teaching the wiener dogs to play tetris. Opposable thumbs. Opposable thumbs."

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  9. Gaming has, at times, *saved* our marriage. Is that sad?

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  10. You failed to mention the shirtless wonder "psymon"...the boyfriend by proxy. Sigh...I wonder if we will ever get back together...

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  11. Whenever I leave the house, my husband ties our kids right hands behind their backs and makes them do everything with their left hands so they'll be better pitchers.

    It's a different kind of parenting, isn't it?

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  12. we don't have video games here, but i am teaching my kids how to blog.

    i love when you post here!

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  13. blah, blah, blogAugust 22, 2007

    Unfortunately, vid games lost me during the Blip era.

    [Remember this old commercial:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB-jyKJ3mEE]

    Which is probably for the best as my beloved finds I become rather aggressive during dice games (like he would behave any differently after pulling off a Yahtzee three-peat).

    I do manage to remain civilized when collaborating on a cross-word, however, as long as I am holding the pen.

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