1.04.2008

Body Talk

Me: Hello, Scar.

Scar: I prefer Incision.

Me: Hello, Incision.

Incision: Hello, Kgirl. How have you been feeling lately?

Me: You oughta know.

Incision: Well, if you’re asking me, you’re feeling perfect. 100%. I believe I am healing like a champ and giving you no problems whatsoever.

Me: I guess if we’re splitting hairs, it’s not you, it’s your invisible counter-part inside my body that still acts up every now and then.

Incision: Perhaps, but that too will heal, to be remembered only when attempting the trickiest of Yoga postures.

Me: Or every time I look at the baby.

Incision: Strictly a reminder of the trials we endure to receive the greatest of trophies.

Me: You are quite the philosopher, Incision.

Incision: Precisely. I am like a permanent smile upon your body. You’re lucky to have me, actually. I am a beacon of positivity.

Me: I didn’t need a permanent smile upon my body. Luckily, you will fade and I’m never wearing a bikini again, so you won’t see the light of day much.

Incision: Plus, your rather large paunch will keep me hidden from the rest of the world.

Me: Forget you, Scar. I’m going to talk to Blocked Milk Duct.


***

25 comments:

  1. Too funny. My scar never sees the light of day either, due to goddam c-section muffin top. Oh, and giant granny panties.

    Now go rub that blocked milk duct, woman!

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  2. blocked milk duct used to come by to visit me too. at least 3 times. he was such an ass.

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  3. Oh dear... sorry about the blocked milk duct.

    My scar felt weird for many many months... but I kind of liked that such the most momentous event in my life marked my body permanently. But it did hurt and I certainly felt my share of ambivalence about the whole thing (still do sometimes)...

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  4. Nice one.
    You go tell that milk duct.

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  5. you are very, very funny. hope you are feeling okay too.

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  6. snort

    Luckily, or unluckily, my scars from birth are where I can't see them...well, not easily.

    I hope milk duct was more reasonable...

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  7. My scar - nearly nine years old now - has faded right away, just a soft white line.
    Blocked milk duct! Do you know to line your bra with pounded cabbage leaves? My lactation consultant used to recommend that with great fervency and even if it doesn't WORK, it's still amusing.

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  8. Blech, that's not a good choice. Blocked Milk Duct is an asshole.
    But Incision will only bother you for a few months more, at least.

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  9. You are a sill lady! Your girls are so lucky to have you!

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  10. I know Blocked Milk Duct. We're old buds.

    But if you start talking to Ingrown Hair it's time to leave the house.

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  11. Ah, the invisible counter-part inside your body...I know it well, though my scar, too, is a little more...erm...hidden. That one acted up for the better part of two years, despite my doctor's assertions that I was crazy.

    Tell BMD that you'll kick it's ass with some massage, warm compresses and cabbage leaves.

    And thanks for the encouraging words about my life decisions. They really do mean a lot.

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  12. Aaawwwww. Man. Healing power to you sister. I like the smile thing though, that is cute "inscision" you funny creature you.

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  13. PS, blocked milk duct? Don't even THINK aobut making friends with mastitis, she's a total bitch.

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  14. Beck gives me hope! I'm still waiting for the scar to fade. My delicate flowerlike skin shows marks forever...

    BMD go away. You're not nice.

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  15. The incision gets better quickly. And talks less, too.

    Now my repaired 3rd degree tear from the VBAC on the other hand...that one still won't shut up.

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  16. I've never been so entertained by a dialogue with a scar. But then again, I don't think I've ever read a dialogue with a scar before.

    Anyway, loved it all the same. Ha!

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  17. what if i asked incision out on a date - maybe he (she?) would jump ship and head south.

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  18. Loooove this post.

    My scar has faded into nothing now after over two and a half years...and it's so low that even if I could wear a bikini (which I can't) nobody could see it anyway.

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  19. Never had to deal with the Incision. Blocked Milk Duct and I are old buddies.

    Not nearly as familiar with the Blocked Milk Duct though as I am with the Itchy Episiotomy Scar Which Still Acts Like A Cranky Bitch When I'm Getting Frisky and my personal favorite, Harry the Hemorrhoid. That ass keeps popping in to visit.

    Bugger.

    Have a happy new year, friend. May it be your best yet.

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  20. I'm quite familiar with the double incision scar. One of my friends wants to get two small ankle tattoos, one to represent each kid. I don't need that since I have the incision that was used twice!

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  21. Permanent smile upon your body? I'd slap the positivity outta that scar, I mean incision. Damn you, rebellious body.

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  22. i have that pesky scar, too. but i scar pretty oddly so mine will likely never fade. but like you i never plan to wear a bikini again anyway!

    Running on empty

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  23. blah blah blogJanuary 07, 2008

    Right about now i'm feeling rather relieved you are not suffering from piles!

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