2.01.2008

Play Along!

Hey kids! Wanna cry at Old Navy? It's easy! Just follow my simple step-by-step instructions:

1. Get pregnant 19 months after you push out your first kid.

2. Gain 28 pounds on top of the 12 you never lost from the first pregnancy

3. Go 9 days overdue

4. End up with a c-section because your little scallywag goes all transverse on your ass

5. Spend, like, two months recovering

6. Get sick of wearing nothing but yoga pants and one pair of maternity jeans that don't fall down all the time

7. Celebrate 10 weeks of post-partumness by going to Old Navy while older child is at nursery school

8. Try to find a pair of jeans that are not high-waisted, low-waisted or more than $40

9. Refuse to try on double-digit sizes because THIS IS NOT REALLY YOUR BODY

10. Try to get over that because THIS IS ONLY A TEMPORARY BODY

11. Take 6 pairs of jeans into the change-room

12. Avoid - AVOID the mirror

13. Crash into stroller that holds sleeping infant when you fall over trying to get your fat ass out of skinny jeans

14. Rush to try on the last two pair while now-awake infant gets more and more impatient and more and more hungry

15. Sweat

16. Nurse wailing infant in your underpants in the changeroom

17. Catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror

18. Try to camoflauge milk stains appearing on your shirt with your scarf because you just fed infant on the wrong side

19. Realize that your scarf is in the car, with your coat

20. Walk out sweating, with a happy infant, milk stains all over your shirt and no jeans

***

24 comments:

  1. Omigod what a day, and I SO hear you. I would play along, but I'm feeling mighty sorry for myself today.

    I'm starting to wonder if they make jeans that would fit my post partum body.

    Suckity suck. Baby clawing chest - must go.

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  2. oh babe. i distinctly remember a day like this in a dressing room of a bargain store. tears, nursing, oh sister. i know.

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  3. blah, blah, blogFebruary 01, 2008

    Yep. I've been there, too. Not pretty.

    But hey, a happy infant and two posts in three days. You rock!

    Along a similar vein, recently found myself returning ill-fitting yoga pants (okay, multiple pairs of ill-fitting yoga pants just to avoid the whole dressing room thing) at Winners. The flustered sales clerk took so long I had no choice but to start nursing right there at the front of the line.

    I have to admit, once I got over the shock of double digits (THIS IS NOT MY REAL BODY), I discovered that for the first time in my life I could buy jeans off the rack that actually fit without that huge gap at the small of my back.

    Granted, it was because my waist had expanded to match my thighs rather than the long hoped for reverse, but still...

    Having cancelled out on you, I'm feeling somewhat responsible. Next week, we'll go to that thrift shop across from the coffee shop (where I buy all my post-partum fashions) and we'll take turns minding the babies and trying on clothes.

    In the meantime, I just discovered this great website (for when we do get our REAL bodies back):

    http://www.zafu.com/

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  4. I hear you on this, less the milk stains.

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  5. she went transverse on your ASS?!?!?! now that's a trick if i ever heard one. ahahahah!


    LOVE this post!

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  6. Post-partum clothes shopping is so sucky. I recall buying double digits. Painful.

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  7. I've done the dressing room with an unhappy wee one, desperately looking for something that fits.

    So sorry you had that day.

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  8. I am not looking forward to days like that. I've had days like that. I really don't want to do it again.

    Sorry it happened to you, babe.

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  9. Oh, honey. I hear you - I gained 50 lbs. with Pumpkinpie, and took about 8 months to lose it. It was a goodly few months before I got out of the between-pants I bought for when pants were too tight, but I wasn't ready for maternity wear yet.

    But you know, it's only been a few months so truly, give yourself a little break, but a pair in a size that works for now, so at least you can be dressed and comfy, and you're still working on it. Most understandably.

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  10. This sounds eerily familiar...

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  11. It's amazing how the simplest errands become such trials when you add a kid to the mix. HUGS.

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  12. I will never forget nursing my firstborn in the changeroom on my quest for postpartum pants.

    I always have to go a size up at Old Navy. I still can't find any pants with the right rise anywhere nevermind the number on the tag.

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  13. I laughed and cried as i read...oh, memories. Love the post!

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  14. sweeeeetie. old navy? Jeans? They have the WORST fitting jeans in the universe. Nursing in a changeroom with skivvies on? been there. Oh. the humbling.

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  15. Oh... dear...

    And I remember all-too-well those moments of clumsiness that resulted in the Awakening. Of. The. Child.

    Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was more guaranteed to get me cursing a blue streak.

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  16. I remember those days, had similar experiences myself! My daughter is 7 and in school now so I try to do my shopping alone, but that doesn't help the clothes not fitting part. Check out http://theshapeofamother.com (i think thats the link, you can find it on my site too) it's very... inspiring.

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  17. oh. my. god.

    i had the EXACT SAME old navy experience after my son.

    i'll never forget staring at the mirror and thinking: "who IS that?"

    but you know what? i am actually back to me. it will change, your body will be yours again. promise.

    Running on empty

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  18. Remember - it took nine months to put the baby weight ON. Be gentle with yourself as you try to take it off again.

    And I so agree with the earlier commenter who says Old Navy has the universe's worst-fitting jeans. I just don't even bother anymore. Unless you're nine feet tall, with a five-foot inseam, you're kind of toast.

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  19. OK, I'm forwarding this post to every woman who has ever asked me "What's it like, being pregnant/being a mom?" This is THE post that sums up every thing you never imagine about motherhood or want to have happen to you.

    I so *so* have been there sister.

    And Crazymumma is right, Old Navy jeans are really ill fitting (learned the hard way, too).

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  20. Hey, I have something for you over at my place.

    Cheers, A

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  21. While Old Navy gets bonus points for having washrooms right in the store, which is a bonus for those with newly potty-trained kids - Crazymumma is right. That is not the place to go for jeans when you're a mom (which is still a different thing from mom jeans) - but it's true. You know what? I felt so much more comfortable in tights and a stretchy skirt in those early days...

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  22. Oh god. I'm...I just...I think you just convinced me not to have a second kid.

    BTW, as someone who hasn't fit into single-digit-sized jeans since, I don't know, high school, you're still sporting a super-hot bod 40 pounds over your pre-child weight. Seriously.

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  23. i have no idea what this would be like, but that post was awesome and it made me laugh. so something good came out of it kgirl!

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  24. DOOD. NEVER look in mirrors. NEVER.

    Try on jeans in the dark, GO by feel. It's better. I promise.

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Talk to me.