5.11.2008

Is Forever Enough?

How long do you want to be loved?

It’s Mother’s Day today. And one of the reasons I celebrate Mother’s Day turns three today.

Three.

My baby, my Bee, is three today.

It’s not hard to believe that she’s three. She’s clever and adorable and she knows her address, and she holds her baby doll while I hold her baby sister and says, ‘Look, Mama! We’re both taking really good care of our childs.’ and she wants to go to sleep on her own and she can climb up to the counter and get the crackers without my help.

What is hard to believe is that this person – this little person that follows me into the bathroom and then tells me how proud she is of me when I’m done, is mine.

She’s my child and I am her mother. I look at her sometimes – her with her silky hair and almond-shaped eyes and beautiful pouty lips, and I wonder, who are you? How did you get to be mine? And I look into those blue eyes and I hope she’s glad that I’m her mama, that one day she’ll maybe be contemplating the complete randomness of the universe and be as glad as I am that we somehow ended up with each other.

I’m not good at retaining the details of day-to-day life with Bee. I’m not sure how we got from that day, almost 4 years ago, when two pink lines finally showed up on a stick, to today, when she is downstairs, still shedding the previous day’s birthday party excitement with a Dora video on the couch, and I am up here, trying to figure it all out. There are tears, of course.

The tears are because I’m listening to Lullaby by The Dixie Chicks, and if you are a mother and you listen to that song, you will cry too. And because I just waded through literally 8000 pictures we’ve taken of you, and each one is more beautiful than the last. And because I am thinking about my dad and how I wish he could have seen you in your fairy princess finery yesterday. And because now you’re a big sister, and as you both grow, you’ll look to each other for things that I can’t give you, and I’m grateful for that.

And because you are mine, and I really don’t know how I got so lucky.

You are what I find when I search for something beautiful. You are my baby, and today you are three.



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16 comments:

  1. Happy birthday, Bee.

    And I so know - it is amazing. I can't believe I could possibly have had a hand in making this fantastic little person, and yet, one look at her and it can't be unbelieved, either. And for me, it's my grandma I wish she had known and had known her. I know they would have loved each other.

    (Is that pic where she goes to preschool, too?)

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  2. Happy Happy Birthday.

    They grow so fast and become such amazing people - we are lucky to be part of it.

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  3. Happy Birthday sweet girl! She is beyond lovely - inside and out. (And how great is that picture??)

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  4. Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl!

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  5. What a beautiful post and a lovely girl... is it wrong of me that I also noticed the tricycle? Because it's awesome.

    Happy birthday and happy mother's day to you.

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  6. She was born on Mothers Day huh. What a way to make a hallmark holiday real.

    I LOVE the fairy princess days.

    Who are they indeed.

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  7. Ah, shucks, this was lovely. Happy (belated) birthday, Bea.

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  8. Awwww, that was touching. Happy birthday, Bee!

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  9. Oh, lovely.
    She'll be like my mom when she's grown up, having to share her birthday with mother's day. I hope she likes it, like my mom does.

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  10. What a sweet post.

    Happy Birthday!!

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  11. And now I am bawling.

    HAppy birthday to your sweet Bee.

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  12. Happy birthday to your beautiful girl.

    Now I have to go pull that song up on my iPod and have a good cry.

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  13. blah, blah, blogMay 14, 2008

    Beautiful post, k-girl... it captured the wave of nostalgia that overcame me when girl child, the first turned three last month.

    And how perfect that Bee's birthday fell on Mother's Day this year!

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  14. tears happening over here (no Dixie chicks necessary)

    once again a beautiful post.

    happy belated b-day to your sweet fairy princess.

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  15. Happy belated birthday to Bee!

    xo

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