How long do you want to be loved?
It’s Mother’s Day today. And one of the reasons I celebrate Mother’s Day turns three today.
My baby, my Bee, is three today.
It’s not hard to believe that she’s three. She’s clever and adorable and she knows her address, and she holds her baby doll while I hold her baby sister and says, ‘Look, Mama! We’re both taking really good care of our childs.’ and she wants to go to sleep on her own and she can climb up to the counter and get the crackers without my help.
What is hard to believe is that this person – this little person that follows me into the bathroom and then tells me how proud she is of me when I’m done, is mine.
She’s my child and I am her mother. I look at her sometimes – her with her silky hair and almond-shaped eyes and beautiful pouty lips, and I wonder, who are you? How did you get to be mine? And I look into those blue eyes and I hope she’s glad that I’m her mama, that one day she’ll maybe be contemplating the complete randomness of the universe and be as glad as I am that we somehow ended up with each other.
I’m not good at retaining the details of day-to-day life with Bee. I’m not sure how we got from that day, almost 4 years ago, when two pink lines finally showed up on a stick, to today, when she is downstairs, still shedding the previous day’s birthday party excitement with a Dora video on the couch, and I am up here, trying to figure it all out. There are tears, of course.
The tears are because I’m listening to Lullaby by The Dixie Chicks, and if you are a mother and you listen to that song, you will cry too. And because I just waded through literally 8000 pictures we’ve taken of you, and each one is more beautiful than the last. And because I am thinking about my dad and how I wish he could have seen you in your fairy princess finery yesterday. And because now you’re a big sister, and as you both grow, you’ll look to each other for things that I can’t give you, and I’m grateful for that.
And because you are mine, and I really don’t know how I got so lucky.
You are what I find when I search for something beautiful. You are my baby, and today you are three.