9.09.2008

You Know You're a Mother When...

* Your makeup case is an old Robeez bag.

* Your lunch consisted of the scraps your daughter left on her plate plus a spoonful of peanut butter.

* You can’t find your keys, the diaper cream or a clean shirt to save your life, but you always know where your coffee is.

* If you are going anywhere beyond your local grocery store, you put on your ‘good’ yoga pants.

* You own 6 pairs of yoga pants but haven’t done yoga in 4 years.

* You know how to get breast milk out of just about anything, including a wool couch.

* You wear your daughter’s purple plastic hairclips, and it’s not to be ironic.

* Your childrens’ rooms are gorgeously decorated, detailed and attended to, but the only accessories in your own room are two huge piles of laundry and a box of breast pads.

* You leave half-filled glasses of water everywhere. This is not intentional, but it does come in handy.

* You urge your child to go pee every 1/2 an hour, then realize that you’ve had to go for 6 hours.

* Going grocery shopping without the kids feels like ‘me time.’

* You spend $40 on shoes for your toddler, lest her tiny feet develop abnormally, but you prance around in $5 flip-flops all summer.

* You think tiny farts are adorable.

* You applaud burps and belches in the kids, but call your husband a gross pig when he lets one go.

* ‘Poopers,’ ‘MumMum,’ Jammie-Jams’ and ‘Ah-Boo!’ are a regular part of your daily speech.

* You can name a Wiggles song in 3 notes but have to feign recognition when your (childless) friend starts talking about a new, hot band.

* You momentarily get excited when channel surfing at 11:30 pm and you see that Diego is on Treehouse.

* Crock Pots, Dyson vaccuums and embroidery turn you on.



So, when did YOU know?


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20 comments:

  1. The grocery store moment for sure.
    and. when I could wipe my childs butt and after washing my hands (of course), go straight back to eating my lunch.

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  2. Grocery shopping with Trillian is still 'us time.'

    Hear you on the lunch scraps!

    I have occasionally felt bad that my son learned the word 'coffee' so early. He asked me to spell it for him today.

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  3. Yeah, when a trip to Target came to be considered an "outing."

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  4. I thought it was 'you own six pairs of yoga pants but none of them are clean'
    but its more like 'how many pairs of yoga pants do I have? Why don't I have any clean pants?'
    where was I going anyway?

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  5. Oh how vividly I remember my first solo grocery-shopping trip after Bub was born (like, about two months after). Heaven!

    And I keep the kids' socks on those Robeez bags - they're too nice to throw out!

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  6. My make-up bag used to be underwear packaging from the Disney Store.

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  7. great post, i'm giggling like an idiot right now! oh and crazymumma hit it with the butt wiping and lunch comment!

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  8. The room thing for sure. The nursery and the Boy's room are decorated with loving care, and our room can be likened to a garbage pail. Only cleaner.

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  9. "Going grocery shopping without the kids feels like ‘me time.’"

    Holy crap is that ever true. I still do that: Honey, I'm going out tonight.
    Where, the Pub?
    No, the grocery store!

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  10. Um... Vaginal birth, anyone?

    I go pee every half hour and my daughter is a camel who can store it for upwards of 12 hours.

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  11. When I got really, really excited at the thought of going to a Tupperware party to buy real Tupperware.

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  12. Crock Pots and Dyson totally make me horny but I draw the line at embroidery - unless it's antique needle work, then it's rawr.

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  13. I LOVE grocery shopping without my kids. Oh HOW I LINGER. In my good yoga pants.
    And how about you know lots of ALTERNATIVE uses for breastmilk, like "Irritated Eye Soother"! Ah, motherhood.

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  14. I knew the day I stuck out a hand and caught toddler vomit. Then put the other one out to catch the rest.

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  15. Very Funny. I find my self nodding. I don't know how to get breast milk out though. tips?

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  16. The grocery store is a much loved escape each week.

    The fact that I can mop up vomit or any other bosily fluid without flinchin is a sure sign I'm a mom, every day.....

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  17. funny post...
    I actually quoted you the other day to a friend who kept asking her three year old if she had to pee.

    I continually ask lulu if she has to go all day and then realize that it's been 8 hours since I last went.
    must have some correlation to chasing her around with a cup of water all day then forgetting to actually drink anything myself until 8 p.m.- which I then try to catch up by downing 8+ glasses of water before the end of the day.
    then can't figure out why I keep waking up each night to go pee.....sheesh....

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  18. this is perfect. i sat and nodded my way through the entire post!

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  19. blah, blah, blogSeptember 16, 2008

    HA!
    Very good, k-girl.

    I saw myself in each and every one of those; although the husband claimed I did the water glass thing before the children.

    I'll add one: the gentle hip sway I adopt whenever standing in line, whether I have a child on my hip or not.

    And, um, make-up? What is that again?!

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  20. Oh man, I have sooo been there on all of this. I knew I was a mom when I said, "Tell the nice lady goodbye." And I was alone. For the first time in months, my sidekick was not with me!

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