You Know You're a Mother When...

* Your makeup case is an old Robeez bag.

* Your lunch consisted of the scraps your daughter left on her plate plus a spoonful of peanut butter.

* You can’t find your keys, the diaper cream or a clean shirt to save your life, but you always know where your coffee is.

* If you are going anywhere beyond your local grocery store, you put on your ‘good’ yoga pants.

* You own 6 pairs of yoga pants but haven’t done yoga in 4 years.

* You know how to get breast milk out of just about anything, including a wool couch.

* You wear your daughter’s purple plastic hairclips, and it’s not to be ironic.

* Your childrens’ rooms are gorgeously decorated, detailed and attended to, but the only accessories in your own room are two huge piles of laundry and a box of breast pads.

* You leave half-filled glasses of water everywhere. This is not intentional, but it does come in handy.

* You urge your child to go pee every 1/2 an hour, then realize that you’ve had to go for 6 hours.

* Going grocery shopping without the kids feels like ‘me time.’

* You spend $40 on shoes for your toddler, lest her tiny feet develop abnormally, but you prance around in $5 flip-flops all summer.

* You think tiny farts are adorable.

* You applaud burps and belches in the kids, but call your husband a gross pig when he lets one go.

* ‘Poopers,’ ‘MumMum,’ Jammie-Jams’ and ‘Ah-Boo!’ are a regular part of your daily speech.

* You can name a Wiggles song in 3 notes but have to feign recognition when your (childless) friend starts talking about a new, hot band.

* You momentarily get excited when channel surfing at 11:30 pm and you see that Diego is on Treehouse.

* Crock Pots, Dyson vaccuums and embroidery turn you on.

So, when did YOU know?



  1. The grocery store moment for sure.
    and. when I could wipe my childs butt and after washing my hands (of course), go straight back to eating my lunch.

  2. Grocery shopping with Trillian is still 'us time.'

    Hear you on the lunch scraps!

    I have occasionally felt bad that my son learned the word 'coffee' so early. He asked me to spell it for him today.

  3. Yeah, when a trip to Target came to be considered an "outing."

  4. I thought it was 'you own six pairs of yoga pants but none of them are clean'
    but its more like 'how many pairs of yoga pants do I have? Why don't I have any clean pants?'
    where was I going anyway?

  5. Oh how vividly I remember my first solo grocery-shopping trip after Bub was born (like, about two months after). Heaven!

    And I keep the kids' socks on those Robeez bags - they're too nice to throw out!

  6. My make-up bag used to be underwear packaging from the Disney Store.

  7. great post, i'm giggling like an idiot right now! oh and crazymumma hit it with the butt wiping and lunch comment!

  8. The room thing for sure. The nursery and the Boy's room are decorated with loving care, and our room can be likened to a garbage pail. Only cleaner.

  9. "Going grocery shopping without the kids feels like ‘me time.’"

    Holy crap is that ever true. I still do that: Honey, I'm going out tonight.
    Where, the Pub?
    No, the grocery store!

  10. Um... Vaginal birth, anyone?

    I go pee every half hour and my daughter is a camel who can store it for upwards of 12 hours.

  11. When I got really, really excited at the thought of going to a Tupperware party to buy real Tupperware.

  12. Crock Pots and Dyson totally make me horny but I draw the line at embroidery - unless it's antique needle work, then it's rawr.

  13. I LOVE grocery shopping without my kids. Oh HOW I LINGER. In my good yoga pants.
    And how about you know lots of ALTERNATIVE uses for breastmilk, like "Irritated Eye Soother"! Ah, motherhood.

  14. I knew the day I stuck out a hand and caught toddler vomit. Then put the other one out to catch the rest.

  15. Very Funny. I find my self nodding. I don't know how to get breast milk out though. tips?

  16. The grocery store is a much loved escape each week.

    The fact that I can mop up vomit or any other bosily fluid without flinchin is a sure sign I'm a mom, every day.....

  17. funny post...
    I actually quoted you the other day to a friend who kept asking her three year old if she had to pee.

    I continually ask lulu if she has to go all day and then realize that it's been 8 hours since I last went.
    must have some correlation to chasing her around with a cup of water all day then forgetting to actually drink anything myself until 8 p.m.- which I then try to catch up by downing 8+ glasses of water before the end of the day.
    then can't figure out why I keep waking up each night to go pee.....sheesh....

  18. this is perfect. i sat and nodded my way through the entire post!

  19. blah, blah, blogSeptember 16, 2008

    Very good, k-girl.

    I saw myself in each and every one of those; although the husband claimed I did the water glass thing before the children.

    I'll add one: the gentle hip sway I adopt whenever standing in line, whether I have a child on my hip or not.

    And, um, make-up? What is that again?!

  20. Oh man, I have sooo been there on all of this. I knew I was a mom when I said, "Tell the nice lady goodbye." And I was alone. For the first time in months, my sidekick was not with me!


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