How was the drive to Florida?!
It was great. Easy, even. Ok, well, no 24-hour drive is easy per se, but it was aight. The key is to keep the kids strapped in their seats and throw scraps at them every couple of hours or so. And to turn up the volume of the music in conjunction with the volume being upped on the whining.
Honestly, the kids did great. Dove pretty much conked out as soon as the car went above 80 km (that’s kilometers, not miles, which we really had to get used to, because going 80km on a U.S. highway may anger your fellow drivers), and we didn’t even unpack the
We broke up the second part of the drive into two more days, with a stop at my in-laws' trailer for the night. It stays year-round in a park on the Alabama/Georgia border near Eufala, and they spend much of the winter there. The trailer is anything but rustic, pimped out as it is with satellite, a computer, fireplace, wireless internet and a kick-ass porch that my father-in-law built for porch sittin’.
However, the surroundings and the rest of the people there? Um… rustic. The grounds are really nice, and the surrounding area is pretty country with the Chatahoochee running through it (YOU'RE a Chatahoochee!), and the people that live in the park year-round are nice racists. There’s no other way of putting it. Me and Chris talked about it at length, and agreed – they are not nice but racist; they are nice. And they are racist. The N-word comes up in casual conversation. And they welcomed me with warm handshakes and fresh-harvested oysters, but I am white. I have a very hard time divorcing someone’s personality from their hateful politics, so I’m glad we only stayed the one night. And I’m kinda glad that no one knew I was Jewish. Ask me about the Jew Gold billboard in Eufala some time.
(This should in no way reflect on the character of my in-laws. They are not there for the company; they are there for the golf and the weather and the proximity to far less racist places to take their trailer on road trips, and have the capacity to always see good in people and so can tolerate certain things that I cannot.)
So yeah, we leave buttfuck nowhere the next morning and head to Florida, which, don’t kid yourself, is the DEEP South. That means awesome food, weather and lots of Snowbirds such as ourselves, but it also means traveling through some of the tightest Bible Belt to get there. I’m just not used to it. In Canada, we don’t wear our religion and our politics on our sleeves (or our bumper stickers). I’m not used to all of the God talk; all the anti-choice propaganda; all the stupid little fish on the backs of cars. Some of it was entertaining, some of it baffling, and some of it downright offensive. Like the billboard (Billboard!) on the highway that showed a depiction of the twin towers burning, with this written beside the image:
Wake Up America! Profiling would have prevented this terrorist act from taking place!
And Covenant Trucking? Sorry, but a major WTF to that one. Especially to the slogan printed on the back of each and every truck:
It’s not a choice, It’s a child.
Actually, it’s a fucking fetus, and my fucking body, and I’ll thank you to keep your legislation off of it. Oh, and did I mention Fuck Off?
(No, I’m not pregnant; just making a point)
I did love this bumper sticker:
Criminals prefer unarmed victims.
Nice! Let’s all shoot each other.
Then there were the ones that just made me shake my head:
Women for Palin
But you know, I expected a few of those. And hey, we just reelected our own useless, Conservative Prime Minister and I thought we were an intelligent nation, so I have no reason to believe that the U.S. won’t enjoy another 4 years of neglect and abuse by the Republicans.
Sorry, I digress.
Anyway, I’m going on a bit, as usual, and I’ve probably managed to alienate my last 12 readers, so I better put an end to my rant. But let me end with this, my favourite U.S. bumper sticker of all time:
God, Guts and Guns Made America.
Next up: Sun, sand and my own trail of tears.