12.18.2008

Bah Humbug

It’s not usually like this.I’m totally exhausted. Emotionally drained, my limbs feel heavy and my heart feels grey. One more argument with my husband; one more insensitive remark from a coworker; one more sleepless night or one more worrying turn to my mother’s health – I’m ready for it; expecting it.

I’m not even steeling myself for these inevitables, as impact, deflection hurt, leaves ugly marks; I’m softening to the blows; sinking into them, crumpling around them.

I have no time; I have no energy. The daily grind is pulverizing me; things I consider important are getting left by the wayside, getting laid to waste.


My husband and I are still partners – sparring partners. Will a new year bring a renewed connection, or simply new distance?

I need balance. The scales seem to be tipping. Towards what, I’m not sure.


***


p.s. the first person to suggest depression or pms gets a virtual punch in the face.

17 comments:

  1. DUDE! I won't suggest anything worthy of a punch in the face but say that finding that balance is so hard and so familiar. And I can say with all honesty that anything I can do to help, I will do, and perhaps we can try to find this freakin' elusive balance together.

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  2. I know that feeling. I just get so overwhelmed. You will bounce back. It is hard when it all piles up though.

    I called my friend and told her the ped asked me if I was depressed. I have never heard her laugh so hard. So I can do that if you need me to.

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  3. Oh, sweetie. Can you two get an evening alone soon? I would love to take the girls. I'll be home all day Sunday and Sunday night, as well as Jan 2-5. We could take them for your birthday...or you could all join us for a joint b-day party at our place.

    Hang in there. xo

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  4. I certainly know the feeling! Try getting out during the day (walk or something) so you can get more light. I know for me sometimes the lack of light really screws me up.

    That, and chocolate. And a warm bath. And more chocolate.

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  5. Oh man, I'm feeling this. Every day, I find myself saying "This is too much! I can't handle this! I need a break!" and the words fall into the deaf snow. Let's be our own little support group, shall we?

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  6. You want I should take care of an insensitive coworker? I got pull!

    I really hope that things get better for you soon.

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  7. Aww, I feel the same way right now. It'll get better, I swear. This time of the year is hard. Just eat some chocolate or cookies. That always makes things better. Feel better!

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  8. You know I'm going through a similar situation, so I know how you feel. And the holiday season always seems to intensify negative feelings, too.

    If you get the chance, spend some time pampering yourself. A pampered kgirl can go a long way towards a happy kgirl.

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  9. I'm right there with you. It's tough.

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  10. Oh poor you.
    I can totally relate.
    And thank-you for sharing and being so honest.
    Its good to know that other women/mothers go through the same feeling of being overwhelmed from time to time.

    I'm sure it will pass, this time of year is especially challenging and draining.

    *hugs*

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  11. dooooood i know you probably have a million babysitters but im always here ready and willing. trust me! i can be trusted! haha hang in there girl. xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox

    love love!

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  12. There are those times, and they pass. But I imagine it's the sudden change of going back to work AND having two kids and holidays and finances all to worry about at once that would do it - for anyone. You'll get your groove back, I'm sure of it.

    Misterpie and I are like workers on the same station but opposite shifts right now. We greet each other, trade information and pleasantries, then disappear. I am taking it entirely on faith that he still owns a penis at this point. Someday...

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  13. What you need is some Sleep Doula action. It's amazing what improves once the overnight shift isn't so much of a chore. And it's incredible how after three nights of hearing some crying can make you immune to it. "Like, suck it up baby, I now know you CAN actually sleep, so just do it! Mama needs her zees." And I totally thought L was going to be effed up over it, but she's adjusting. The first few days she was been a bit clingy (but we're also weaning after a particularly BAD bite), but today she was better (and bedtime was a dream.)

    It's going to be tough when you're juggling so much and still healing your owies. Give yourself room to be an asshole for a few days. Then create a plan of action. Take control of it so it doesn't have control of you. You know friend? I am just coming out the other side of this and I see the light. You will too.

    (Although, huzzle and I are still not liking each other so much... but I think once the boy is out of our room, we can go back to using endorphins to help fake it until we can make it. Angry sex helps bridge the distance sometimes.)

    Hang in there. I am close by and have booze and chocolate if needed.

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  14. blah, blah, blogDecember 22, 2008

    Perhaps it's SAD? Have you ever considered a broad spectrum light? (VIRTUAL RECOIL!)

    You, my friend, need a break. Over the holidays, leave the little ladies with maw-in-law and take some time for you and C to reconnect.

    Hold tight. This too shall pass.

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  15. Yup. I totally get what you are talking about.

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  16. Marital spats are torture. Nothing brings me down quite like feeling frustrated, angry or unsupported in my marriage. The rest I can deal with when my base is solid. I hope you work through it with godspeed.

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