Seriously, I know. I am a wild party.
Anyway, I do think that the best part of the night was the half a bag of sour cream and onion chips that I scarffed, but a few things did occur to me as I watched, and I thought I would share them. Come, join me. Let’s starf*ck.
* Um, was anybody watching the red carpet special? Did you see the part where Colin Farell is being interviewed? Not only did he seem totally coked up (hey tweaker, how’s it going?), but did you see the part when Eva Mendez showed up? I’m pretty sure he greeted her with a great big, juicy, live-on-air, ‘Fuck off!’ Awesome.
* Drew, I love ya babe, but the hair? You looked like you went to your stylist and said, I’m thinkin’ 80s prime time drama. Actually, it looks like you brought your stylist photos from my brother’s bar mitzvah, pointed to my mother and said – that. That is what I want. Make it big. Make it look like I am a Jewish mother at my 13-year old’s birthday party. My mother, I’m sure, loved your look, though she’ll probably thinks that overall, you were a little light on the sequins.
* Kate Winslet looked superridiculously stunning. That is all.
* Miley and her her daddy billy bob looked less-than-impressed when the Jonas Brothers took to the stage to present their award. I thought it was quite clever of the cameraman to make sure he caught her right-pissed off face when her biggest competition got more coverage than she did. Shoot Miley, you probably shouldn’t have taken those naked photos with your daddy. I know how tough the world of jockeying for pre-pubescent
spending dollars fans can be.
* Two words for you: Mickey Rourke.
Ok, a few more, because hot damn! That cat is entertaining. I especially loved
the sequined scarf that he gave a shout out to Axl Rose, possibly to call attention to someone even more washed out than himself, therefore elevating his status from ‘Totally Off His Nut Cracked Out Train Wreck’ to a more respectable, ‘Riding the High Between Relapses But Still Disgusting As The World Waits for News of My Next Overdose or Maybe Just a Simple Dalliance With a Tranny Hooker/Comeback Kid.’
Honestly, I want to see The Wrestler even less now than I did before last night.
* Um, where was the ‘In Memoriam’ section? Call me morbid, but it’s my favourite part of the show, once I’ve seen what everybody is wearing. Did I miss it? Dove did wake up at one point, and it may have been for the exact segment I was waiting all night to see (oh how cruel motherhood can be), but I’m kind of thinking that it just wasn’t there. Damn. It’s a long way to the Oscars to find out who died.
Overall, a boring ass show. What did you think?