6.02.2009

I've Got a Crush On You

How I got onto this train of thought I'll never know (especially when I'm supposed to writing notes for a Zen album, not ruminating on my weirdo past), but anyway, here it is: a list of some of the crushes I've had over the years.


This is in NO way a conclusive list; in fact, I'm sure I'm leaving out some of the more permeating imaginary romances I've indulged in over the years.

By the way, as a teenager, I also spent time wondering who would have a crush on me if I were famous. *Gives head a shake*


- Mighty Mouse. I fell off a chair declaring my love for this rodent.

- Randolph Mantooth. I guess I had a thing for tv heroes.

- Pa Ingalls. Or maybe I just wanted to be Laura Ingalls. Either way, I think now that he would have made a really good husband. Not that I wanted to marry my father. I just mean that he was pretty progressive for a 19th century farmer, and he had good pecs.

- Almanzo Wilder. Pure crush. I definitely wanted to be Laura by this point. Oh, Manly. Smack my ass and call me Beth.

- John Taylor. He was my Duran Duran crush. I’m pretty sure it was always either Simon or John, right? My sister liked Simon, so I had to pick John. Even a youngen', I knew that if you picked Nick Rhodes, you were just being pretentious.

- River Phoenix. My first real true love. I spent a lot of time talking to the posters plastering my walls. He got me through my first unrequited real-life crush, pimples, stupid fights with my smother – he helped me navigate the angst of the tween years so that I could smoothly fulfill my destiny as a full-blown, obnoxious teenager. Too bad he never fulfilled his own destiny. RIP, Rio. (And p.s. – I’ll forget about A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon if you’ll forget about the stirrup pants and bedazzled sweatshirts you saw me put on every day.)

- Bjork. Ok, I’m jumping ahead a few years here, but save for a few months pondering Johnny Depp’s broodiness or Arlo Guthrie’s curls circa 1970, Bjork was next. I could not get over the magical pixie and her adorable squished up little face. I was tiny too, and wondered if I could pull off an Icelandic fairy look. I tried, I did. I twisted my hair up into little Bjorkies (as I still call them) and wore crazy quilted skirts and tiny halter tops and generally found my niche somewhere between neo-bohemian and stone-cold crazy fox (indulge me). Bjork helped me break down many boundaries, and inspired me to investigate a world just beyond my comfort zone; one full of artistic, creative and corporeal pleasures.

- Darcy Tucker. I am a Canadian girl after all. And I likes 'em feisty. Plus, he's a dad, so, hawt.

- The OC in general, and Adam Brody in particular. This was during pregnancy. I discovered the OC while I was pregnant with Bee, and it penetrated my psyche, I suppose. True, I went back and forth between Ryan and Seth, but in the end – and in my CRAZY pregnancy sex dreams – humour beat out fists. I am a pacifist, and I do have a weak spot for dark curly hair. If you want to know how totally I was into the OC while I was pregnant, you have only to ask me what name I blurted out when we decided that our first born daughter did not fit the name we had picked for her. Sexy Adam Brody infiltrated my second pregnancy as well, but as far as usurping my husband as the object of my desires, I think I handled it with more sensitivity the second time around.

- Liberte Dulce de Leche yogurt. This, my friends is the real deal. It’s love.

So, who you been crushin on?

***

21 comments:

  1. Pa Ingalls. YES.
    Almanzo Wilder. YES YES.

    you are my kind of people, kgirl. :)

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  2. My true love is a chocolate tart from Dufflets.
    I had a big crush on Henry Thomans in ET and more recently girl crush, bordering on obsession with Gweneth Paltrow.

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  3. Auntie JennoJune 02, 2009

    HAHAHAHA! Smack my ass and call me Beth! I am not letting Maya read this post! We are (still) reading the Rose years about Laura and Almanzo's daughter, so Manly is a huge part of our life.And I was the one into John Taylor, not Simon. I don't do blonds.
    And I still love Arlo.
    And I will take the credit for introducing you to the yogurt.Don't worry, you don't need to send a thank you card.

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  4. JillybeanJune 02, 2009

    I remember our River Phoenix days. The sleep-overs and River marathlon of movies.

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  5. Jenno - I knew I could count on you.

    Jillybean - My boy's growing up.

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  6. I used to talk to (and *maybe* kiss) my Michael Jackson posters. It was circa "Thriller" though, if that makes it any better. He grossed me out after "Bad." But I remember vividly speaking to my best friend about loyalty when she started to prefer Duran Duran over our beloved Michael. Guess she was the sane one!

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  7. "Almanzo Wilder. Pure crush. I definitely wanted to be Laura by this point. Oh, Manly. Smack my ass and call me Beth"

    You win hands down for the best line(s) ever.

    I ended up crushing on both of them... and I also had a HUGE Ryan crush from the OC. Bring on the broody.

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  8. Do you mean Michael Landon Pa Ingalls, or the book Pa Ingalls. Because the Michael Landon version I can see - all '70s hair and soft heart. But the book version? He had to have been the worst husband on record, constantly uprooting his family and driving ever further westward, with little to no concern about unimportant little things like sufficient food for the children.

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  9. My best friend loved Nick but I was a Roger Taylor girl - I had/still have a thing for drummers.

    My hardest teencrush was Timothy Hutton to the nth degree.

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  10. Spike, all the way. I was about to get all uppity that he wasn't on your list, but other than River Phoenix we don't seem to share many crushes...

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  11. You and your Adam Brody!

    My 2nd pregnancy hormones have been all about James McNulty and Dennis Leary, my favourite TV bad boys. What is it about alcoholic misogynists?

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  12. Oh, geez. I had a shrine to Corey Hart. And I was in love with Johnny on 21 Jump Street. Right now? It's Denny from Grey's Anatomy (too bad he died in the first season.)

    My enduring crush will always be Robert Downey Jr. Shame about the drugs. I know the love of the right woman could change him...

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  13. Bea - DEFINITELY Michael Landon Pa Ingalls. " all '70s hair and soft heart" - perfect description!

    And I agree - the non-fiction version would not have been so sexy.

    You guys are all hilarious. Metro - I can only say that pregnancy does strange things to a girl's sense of sexay.

    NoMo - I'm totally not a Denny guy. But Karev is ok by me.

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  14. Oh Oh! Great post!

    My first crush was Jimmy from H.R. Pufnstuf. Then Davy Jones from The Monkees. Then Speed Racer. Then Ultraman.

    Uh...I think I've admitted too much. Although, not quite as much as having a crush on Mighty Mouse, lol.

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  15. Oh the list is sooooooo long. It grows everyday. The people at my work accuse me of flirting with the photocopier. It's just that I can see the sexy in most, not all, people. We're talking from Ani Difranco to Nigel Barker. From Eddie Veder to Briteny Spears. JT, Leland, JLo, My boss and your Mom. Okay, maybe not your Mom. But your Brother. And your sister. And possible a hot Auntie or two.
    Definitely not your husband though. I don't swing that way.

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  16. Lisalou - are you sayin my husband isn't hot? Cuz, you know, I'll go there - yours is!

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  17. Your husband is super hot! I just meant in general I am not all up ons friends husbands. But if you need to get him out of your hair for a while...

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  18. Also I miss you. And you're hot. But of course you know that.

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  19. Never really 'crushed' on stars growing up... but had a bit of a thing later on for 'Michael' in La Femme Nikita, and Ewan McGregor in, well, anything. ;-)

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  20. Rocket Robin Hood

    Pa Inglis: yes!

    Danny on Soap

    David Soul

    Nicholas Cage in Valley Girl and Moonstruck

    Astro Boy: No. Wait. I married him. Srsly. MadDad looks just like Astro Boy. A balding, Teutonic Astro man, but Astro Boy nonetheless.

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  21. Mad - people tell me that my husband looks like Paul Bettany. Which is cool, cuz I have Jennifer Connely's eyebrows.

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