11.24.2010

Baby Item Reviews - Do I Need This More Than I Need a New Pair of Shoes?

A few weeks ago, my friend Ann Douglas asked me to provide a little bit of feedback for an article that she was writing, on some new and interesting baby products and whether or not parents (and the world in general) needed such things. I happily complied, and while Ann’s article turned out wonderfully, it did have one flaw – not enough of me.
Because I am not relegated to a strict word count or any journalistic integrity, I decided to give you the benefit of my (non-truncated) opinion.  So without further ado, and just in time for the holiday season, I give you:
Baby Item Reviews: Do I Need This More Than I Need a New Pair of Shoes?
My first reaction to the Baby Bed Blocks was, ‘I don’t get it. Why am I turning my baby’s bed into a ski hill?’ Then I read the description, and although I would never bother, I suppose for $19 it might buy some peace of mind if my child is stuffed up.  Then again, I have a pile of magazines that I don’t have time to read that would work just as well as a bed-lift, and I’d get to de-clutter at the same time.


Am I being punked? No, seriously, you want me to dangle my baby from the wall of a public bathroom stall, hoping the person in the next stall doesn’t unhook my baby from their side?  You want me to pay $39.99 for the bathroom dangler and it doesn’t even double as a baby carrier? I’ll have to find some additional use for it – I suppose I could use it to dangle my baby from other doors. Perhaps I’ll dangle my baby from my closet door each morning, so that I can coordinate my outfit with hers.


babykick kickTrak
Even if I wasn’t offended by the babykick kickTrak’s creative use of spelling and capitalization, I would give this item a pass. Pregnancy is a wonderful, beautiful, nerve-wracking time.  We keep track of, obsess over and research every little aspect of what our body and our baby are going through. I just don’t think that an expectant mother needs to rely on this gizmo to record the minutiae of her pregnancy. That’s what blogging is for.


Where to begin…  Ok, in theory, I could see how something like this might appeal to the same kind of mother that buys a baby-wipe heater (i.e. a first-time mother). We do worry about our baby’s skin, and diaper rash sucks for everybody. BUT (BUTT?) – fanning your baby’s tukhas dry seems a) time-consuming b) contrary to the good health claim once ‘essence’ of lavender is added,  and c) cold. Just use a towel and stop giving manufacturers reason to believe that women are total chumps that will buy anything.

So save your money for the important things parents, like booze and a nanny.

Oh, and for the record? I have spent my fair share of money on items I thought I needed but then never used, including a rectal thermometer, a sleep sack, socks for newborns and two cribs.

Next week: Reviews of Items for Pets that Only Deranged, Wealthy Childless People Would Spend Money On 

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9 comments:

  1. Bed blocks? We just stuff a pillow under the mattress or hey, use one of the many 2x4s piled up in our basement.

    And while I have been known to blow on the Bun's buns to speed up the drying, I can't see needing a dedicated FAN for the purpose! (Of course, I also just crunch up the wipe in my hand for a second to take the chill off, so I'm that kind of negligent mother, obviously.)

    I will say that my two FAVOURITE baby items were our cosleeper and our babywrappers towels, which I buy for everyone who is having a baby.

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  2. Too funny. I'm willing to bet that no one has bought that baby hanger.

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  3. I had a friend who dried her baby's butt using a hairdryer. They pretty much all have cool temperature settings, and most of us already have one. So if you really feel the need to dry (I never did), do the earth a favour and don't buy a device just for that purpose.

    And that baby dangling thing? I can't stop laughing. Who would BUY that? Honestly?

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  4. I almost bought the bed blocks, but then thought that they seemed somewhat precarious. Everything else is just ridiculous. (And for the people who buy the wipes warmer: do you take it with you when you leave the house? Cause it seems to me that at some point, that baby is gonna be wiped with a cold wipe. And then how can you go back to heating them??)

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  5. I'd be afraid the breeze caused by the butt fan would cause a fountain of pee from my little guy...

    Yeah, we have an unused crib too. Poor deprived little boy has to sleep with his parents ;)

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  6. We used a hair cryer post-bath to drown out the "I'm furious and wet" sobs. And kids board books make remarkably good crib propers: they're sturdy enough to chew on and prop up beds.

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  7. hard to believe this stuff exists.

    I'm with you though- especially the part about the booze.

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